Somehow, through the years of church development, discipleship was diluted. It became a system of education that rested its impact on one idea that has proven false. That thought is simply: Right thinking leads to right behavior. If knowing the right things to do and the reasons behind those behaviors were enough, then wouldn’t ministry be so much easier? Discipleship isn’t only about education. It has to go beyond giving the facts of the faith and get involved in the person. The hard questions that linger behind our everyday thoughts are where discipleship lives.

Legalism is another trap for discipleship. As much as understanding can’t be the end, neither can behavior. If that were true, the world would be a much better place, but legalism isn’t the fix the church thought it was. Instead of making moral people, it made judgmental people. It gave them a false sense of what the gospel means. Instead of holding a ruler over everyone’s head, discipleship wants to see hearts moved toward God. Like Merton’s prayer, it believes that the desire to please God does, in fact, please him. So instead of exacting a system of right doing, discipleship focuses on right being.

Unlike contemporary discipleship, Jesus didn’t use books (education), didn’t rest on behavioralism (legalism), and didn’t force the world’s way of life on his disciples. Instead, he helped them know themselves and pointed to what God was doing around them.

In Matthew 16, Jesus has an exchange with Simon that is well known. In that encounter, Jesus asks his disciples who people say he is and who they think he is. Simon, ever eager, jumps in and calls Jesus the Messiah. Jesus not only recognizes Simon for this, but he calls out the change by renaming him Peter. Jesus points to something deep within Peter and marks that unique characteristic in him. Discipleship should do this as well. It needs to see specific bits of people’s personalities and call them out. In my experience, this most often happens when relationships are developed enough for disciples to feel safe. When they do, they reveal more about themselves and their response to God.

Often the most painful moments of brokenness are where God shows who we are. It isn’t wasted on me that, right after Peter receives a new name, he is called Satan by Jesus. Peter must have felt schizophrenic. But this exchange points to a key element of Peter’s faith. He is impetuous. When that ready, fire, aim mentality trusts God, he sees for himself how close to Jesus he is. On the other hand, when he doesn’t trust and actually tries to force his own way, it proves how apart from God he is.

Another example I look to for discipleship is Jesus’s response to the religious leaders in John 5. After being attacked for healing on the Sabbath, Jesus explains something about the way he lives life. He lives life watching for God’s work and then joins in. Discipleship can learn a lot from this explanation. If instead of educating and measuring, it could point to God’s work; then it would be much closer to the way Jesus leads his disciples.

Jesus has an amazing track record with his way of discipleship. By investing himself in twelve men, he changed the church for thousands of years. Where would his death and resurrection have led, apart from his disciples carrying that message afterward? When we as youth workers trust other methods—education, behavior modification, distraction, entertainment, etc.—what we really show is our lack of faith in Jesus’s way. My hope for the future and the hopeful revolution of youth ministry (and the church) is that spiritual leaders will see Jesus’s example and follow it more closely. If that happens, the future is assured.

Experience is also a necessary part of discipleship. Jesus taught his disciples as they were, out in the villages, putting them right in the middle of God happenings. Often he held off teaching them until after an experience–a miracle or sending them out to do ministry. Sometimes he just allowed these experiences to be the teacher. Discipleship seems to be an ongoing experience; an encounter with and surrendering to the living God.

However, community seems to be the glue that holds discipleship and formation together. If, in the simplest sense, discipleship is the lifelong process of becoming like Jesus, then the business of the church is to create environments to foster that–to be a community of discipleship.

It seems that modern church culture has stripped away much of the relational dynamic of discipleship and formation. Discipleship in many churches is relegated to a class you attend to learn and adhere to beliefs and doctrine. In many churches, discipleship becomes a curriculum where growth is marked by knowledge. After all the blanks in the discipleship workbook are filled in, the expectation is that this knowledge will be integrated into the thoughts and actions of each participant.

What this approach lacks is the idea that discipleship is a journey and not a destination. It is a continual process of becoming and being made new. It is about much more than the acquisition of knowledge; it is about transformation. Some of what made Jesus’s discipleship so potent is that it was not just expressed in a sterile classroom. It went well beyond philosophical colloquy and systematized steps for living. Jesus’s discipling was an impartation of himself, lived out in three dimensions. It was a daily relational-living experience of being with his disciples. The disciples saw Jesus, filled with compassion, reaching out to a hurting and confused world. Jesus processed life and real needs with them, awakening them toward a kingdom understanding.

When discipleship becomes just about knowing doctrine and Scripture, it becomes disconnected from its relational essence. It becomes disembodied, disrupting the fabric of who we are as Christ’s body, called to help form one another in his likeness. As the Spirit of God gives us life, we are to impart that life to one another. Christian communities hold the potential to become beautiful, robust pictures of the revelation of Christ–far more than just one individual can reflect. It is God’s remarkable intention to express Godself through community.

The very nature of Christianity is one of community. A branch connected to the vine; a body with many parts; our growth and health are inextricably connected to one another. We cannot become disciples of Christ without the continual nurture, challenge, and care of a community. It is difficult for us to sense that we are deeply known by God if we are not deeply known by others. Part of becoming a disciple is to be seen and heard by others. A discipling community helps uphold and redirect us when we lose our way.

Part of the Jewish faith tradition is to embrace a communal understanding of formation. For centuries, Jews have wrestled with their faith together. Dialogue about the Scriptures and how they should be lived out continues to be a central part of being shaped spiritually as a Jew. In the Hebrew culture, diversity of thought is vital to growth and enlightenment. There is a palpable anticipation that God is always doing something new and that the reflections found in the thoughts and lives of our community reveal God to us in profound ways.

To be formed requires pliability, an openness and vulnerability with God and others. As we open ourselves up in community of faith, it releases the possibility for God to form and remake us together.

There was a good post about formation and community on this very blog in 2010: Slant33.com/FormationCommunity

In this spirit, discipleship is about strategically investing a lot of resources into those who truly want to grow. As unpopular as this statement may be, it is reflective of the ministry of Jesus as he sought to found a movement through the rabbinic style of the day, where disciples were willing to follow him. We pray that God will be with each person as they move forward in life in becoming apprentices. Let them have a teachable spirit and the courage to make the necessary changes in their lives to move forward in their purpose. May each person who takes this message to heart be transformed by God and take the necessary steps in order to be mentors to those who will follow in their footsteps.

To the dismay of many, ministries often do not outline their outcomes very clearly. Mainly, what is expected of individuals largely falls into what can be considered a voluntary fire department. That is to say, there is a heavy emphasis on attending church services or training events, yet to go out and fight fires or become active, there is a lot of wiggle room. The bar is extremely low, while follow up on what is done as a result of the investment put into each individual is severely lacking.

Accountability in a relationship is at the heart of an apprenticeship, which leads to spiritual formation. Many institutions are more than willing to make rules and expect others to simply fall in line. Then what can result next is the equivalent of telling a child to look up the answer in a dictionary or an encyclopedia, where no tangible help or mentoring is provided when they are in need of guidance and direction. Therefore, the culture of any organization that does not make it a priority to help develop the capacity of people in their community is severely missing the point of what was at the heart of Jesus’s ministry. Without the structure that allows for deep relationships to develop, rites of passage such as baptisms become surface-level commitments because new disciples are not truly embraced in to the community of support.

In the well-quoted passage often referred to as the Great Commission in Matthew 28, the verses preceding it are often either skipped or read quickly through. Matthew 28:16-20:

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

In this passage it is clear that even though the disciples have walked with Jesus for three years and intimately know him, in addition to seeing him raised from the dead right before them, some still doubt. It is important to realize that there are people in our community of disciples who are in need of a safe place where they can work through their doubts.

Through it all, discipleship is a two-way street. Leaders need to be consistent and model what it takes to be successful. Disciples need to have a teachable spirit and take what they are learning and put it into practice. In my experience, there can be no denying that what people put into this type of intensive learning relationship is what they will eventually get out of it. Apprenticeship programs are relevant models for ministry and a necessary tool to address standards. Values are the heart of the issue. With that said, discipleship in Authentic LA primarily takes place during the regular times of discussion that are provided along with mentors regularly available to help disciples move forward in their walk with God.

A growing group of youth leaders is asking this key question: How do we truly partner with parents in our youth ministries? Answers to these questions generally range from parent training meetings to involving parents as volunteers to sending out weekly e-updates and prayer requests.

All of these are good ideas, but I’ve been especially inspired by my church’s student ministry team’s efforts to weave ministry to and with parents into the fabric of its theology, philosophy, and programs. More specifically, the paid staff has decided to focus on parents in the midst of their rhythms and schedules.

Daily our church’s youth ministry team is committed to praying for parents. Whether individually or corporately, they ask God to work in and through the families in our church and community. They have reported to me that it’s a real joy to tell parents they’ve been praying for them and celebrate together the work that God is doing. If your church changes nothing else about how you involve parents, this is a fantastic idea.

Weekly our youth ministry communicates with parents by email, giving them updates about teaching series, questions that are bubbling to the surface in small groups, and prayer requests.

Monthly our student team intends to send out a training piece to parents, whether it be an online article from a great resourcing organization or an audio interview that one of the pastors has done with a local school counselor or therapist.

Now comes my favorite idea: Annually our youth ministry team does parent conferences. Their rationale is that if schools do them, why can’t the church?

This is optional, and less than 50% of students’ parents sign up for these thirty-minute slots. But our team devotes one week each year to these conferences so parents can sign up at times that work with their school and family schedules (weekdays, weeknights, during Sunday morning worship, etc.). During those conversations, the pastors (and small group leaders, if appropriate) share how they see God working in and through those particular students. Interestingly, one of the major themes during last year’s conferences was the message to parents that what their kids and their families were experiencing was normal.

What do you and your team do to build the encouragement and equipping of parents into your schedule?

I do think there are some meaningful places to have parents involved but I’ll admit this hasn’t always been a strength in ministries I have led. But there are a couple things I’ve done over the years that I think have been great and paid off in good ways for the family, the church, and the youth ministry.

Family Rafting. I have a background in outdoor-adventure-based ministry. One thing that attracted me to a church in Los Angeles fourteen years ago was the church’s willingness to provide the resources to start an outdoor ministry. We started rafting primarily as a way to connect families. I think there were about eight years in a row that we did Memorial Day family rafting trips. The goal of those weekends was for us as a ministry to serve families and give them a great opportunity to have fun with one another as well as connect with other families. There were several families who never missed this weekend. I often hear from them how great it was. You don’t have to do a rafting trip, but some type of overnight event where parents and students are engaged in something they wouldn’t normally do is a good thing. For us, rafting worked in a unique way because neither the parents nor the students were in charge. They all had to work together to get the boats down the river. Everyone was out of the comfort zone and normal world.

Parent Committees. In my Presbyterian world, we do a lot of things by committee. In the ministries I oversee, we have five committees, all made up of parents. These are generally places that we use as sounding boards and filters of ideas we come up with. It works pretty well, and we do listen to the parents.

Parent Chaperones/Volunteers. At my current church, we do this better than any other place I’ve been. Starting with fifth graders, we do a couple summer mission trips to Mendenhall, Mississippi, that we encourage parents to come on with their students. We find this helps us get these younger students signed up. Many of them have never been on this type of trip before, so they think it’s great to have their parents with them. We also find that it is really meaningful for parents. We’ve found that in our church there have been some significant recommitments and positive decisions from parents in their own spiritual lives from these trips. This model of inviting parents continues in our older grades too. We tell parents they are welcome to come on any trip we do, and we try to make sure we set things up so we will always have space for them.

Parenting Classes/Seminars. We look at parents as part of our ministry and make sure we provide resources, classes, seminars aimed specifically at them. This is why, for a long time, we had a part-time marriage and family therapist on staff who regularly met with parents and was always available to them. We try to make sure we bring in guest speakers who can help show parents the importance of the youth ministry and help them figure out how to best partner with us.

There’s a lot more you can be doing for parents. However, while parents should have a significant role, there are also appropriate times when they don’t. We want them to feel they are important and cared for, but we also sometimes just want to be with their kids. As a dad of three, sometimes I feel like my role is just to cheer on the youth workers who love them. I will tell you, though, that something I love is when those youth workers contact me just to tell me how they love my kids and the great things they see my kids doing.

We have attempted to provide a variety of parental involvement opportunities since one cookie-cutter mold doesn’t fit everyone. It is important to get to know the parents so you can make sure they are in the right place for them to serve. We provide parents with a contract that clearly outlines expectations we have for their roles and the responsibilities they are required to meet in order to provide clarity and avoid any misunderstandings.

The first way to become involved is in a volunteer role. Some activities that fall under this area include assisting with weekly tasks, supervising the parking lot, purchasing supplies, or cleanup. We attempt to think about the following types of questions here: 1) What values are important to them? 2) What do they enjoy doing? 3) How can they incorporate this into new service opportunities?

The second way to become involved is by beginning to interact with students more regularly. Training parents on how to make students feel cared about is stressed here. Activities that fall under this area involve preparing specific meals, providing transportation, and participating in training events. Questions to think about here include: 1) What do they need to do? 2) What small steps can we take to bring them into the life of weekly events? 3) What can we do to make them feel welcome?

The third way has to do with helping them develop both as parents and leaders. We want parents to be equipped to take initiative and feel as though they can make a positive difference in the present and future. We take steps to create a safe community where parents can find support and accountability among fellow parents. Activities that fall under this area include monthly events where parents have time to share what is going on in their lives and how they can take more active roles in the lives of their students and the ministry. Questions to think about here include: 1) How can we help parents to reflect on the past, in order to learn from it? 2) How can we encourage parents to follow on their goals?

The fourth way centers more around building stronger relationships. The priority here is to help develop healthy parent-student relationships that take work and need to be set as a priority. Our ministry has sought to create activities where parents and students can be outside their comfort zones in order to be vulnerable and learn together. Some things we have done in the past include retreats, service trips, and rite-of-passage activities. Questions to think about here include: 1) What types of activities are conducive to learning? 2) How can we incorporate parents who can help take ownership of this?

Our ministry developed these intentional practices over a number of years in the belief that if we are not more intentional about helping parents feel welcome to participate, we will be missing out on what God desires to do in our community.

Throughout the gospels, Jesus modeled an intentionally prayerful life. As a leader, I try to follow this path because I have found out that when I stray from this, not only do I begin to lose my footing, I begin to lose focus of who God is. Prayer is times spent with God, worshiping, praising, confessing, and petitioning.

As I was taught by my fathers and mothers in the faith who blazed a trail before me, I seek to pray regularly for myself, my family, my mentors, my fellow leaders and members of the ministry, families in our community, fellow disciples, the lost, and those in influential positions. My core desire is to become more like Jesus and continue to build on the movement he initiated thousands of years ago.

I often pray that God will send more supportive people into the lives of those in our ministry. I pray that God will continue to create a loving community of disciples who embrace newcomers and help guide me on how to better care for those in our ministry. I seek to pray for this ministry with others. I have a group of people I rely on for support and insight, a prayer team made up of those outside of the ministry context who resonate with what we are trying to accomplish.

My prayer life overflows into the ministry, since during all of our meetings there are opportunities to share how God has been directing each person. I discuss the importance of prayer often, touching on issues ranging from the challenges of finding time to being open to what God is saying. The meetings also provide an opportunity for me to pray for individuals, as well as be prayed for. I write down every prayer request that is stated during each meeting, which I seek to go over each night as I close out the day.

On another level, fasting is also a large part of how I pray for the ministry. More specifically, the first weekend of each January and July are set apart for prayer and fasting for direction for the ministry. This has proven to be extremely fruitful and a source of encouragement, especially when times get tough.

I hope this will encourage you wherever you are. Early in my life as a disciple, I sensed that the discipline to be intentional about prayer was one thing, but the ability to come to God, open to whatever took place during that time, was quite another. On my journey, I constantly have to challenge myself to truly listen to God and have faith that he will be watching over those he brings into my path.

My prayer is that my fellow youth leaders and I would be leaders and people who are deeply rooted in Christ. The simple truth is that if we expect to effectively and faithfully lead and guide our students, we need to be people who continually secure our roots in Christ. We secure this foundation through a continual coming before Christ and asking that our hearts, minds, and lives be guided and directed by the Spirit. My guess is that every single student leader or pastor out there (who is honest) can share about times they have tried to minister to students when they themselves have neglected their own relationship with Christ and how frustrating and difficult that can be.

As youth leaders, we pray for our students’ families. I am a firm believer that parents are the number one influencers and shapers of students’ faith. Unfortunately, as I reflect on my local church, most of our students come from homes that are familiar with brokenness (divorce, abuse, neglect, etc.). Many of our students have also been raised in homes that lack any sort of Christian education or Christlike examples. Therefore, I encourage my youth staff to pray regularly for their students and their families.

We strive to pray for our students by name. Just this past week, our student ministry had the opportunity to get away from Kansas City and head out to the thriving metropolis of Pomona, Kansas (population 940), to go on a retreat. While I thoroughly enjoyed the speaker, the constantly lit fireplace, and the abnormally warm winter weather, the highlight of the retreat for me was a prayer time we had together Saturday night. After our small group time was wrapping up, I asked the students if they would allow me to pray for them by name. Even though we make it a discipline to pray for the students corporately, there is something powerful and special about praying for students by name, especially when they hear and participate in the prayer.

When we pray for our students by name, we are able to recall and recount their individual and unique stories and pray accordingly. As I began praying for Malachi, here is a student who hasn’t even turned thirteen yet. He has two solid parents who are deeply committed to raising him in the faith. My prayer for Malachi is that, as he navigates the seventh grade and begins his first year of ice hockey, he would seek to put Christ at the forefront of his life and strive to love others as Christ calls him to do. When he is faced with the challenge to join in the locker room talk, I pray that God would help him to speak words of love.

Sitting next to Malachi was Daniel. Daniel is almost eighteen and has had no more than a half dozen conversations with his father in his lifetime. Daniel’s life has been marked by instability and constant abandonment. He somehow ended up coming to the youth group when his sister attended a VBS at our church last summer. When I pray for Daniel, I pray that he would seek to know, love, and serve Christ. I also pray that Daniel knows he has a heavenly Father who loves him and is proud to call him son. Lastly, I pray that God would remind him that he is a heavenly Father who promises never to leave or forsake his children.

As youth leaders and pastors, it is important that we adopt the discipline and practice of prayer for ourselves, our youth staff, and our students. May we all strive to be leaders and ministers who make prayer the foundation of our ministries.

Jason is an associate pastor in Independence, Missouri, where he primarily works with youth and young adults. He thoroughly enjoys speaking and teaching God's Word and has done so at a handful of camps and retreats over the years. Jason always keeps his disc golf discs in the trunk of his car just in case the opportunity to play should suddenly arise. He occasionally jots down some of his thoughts at www.JayMcPherson.blogspot.com. Jason is married to Rachel, and they are expecting their first child in June 2012.

Inside this discipline, there are times for me to pray prayers of praise, proclamation, and petition. It is here that I pray for the people of the ministry I serve. These prayers, however, are never on behalf of the ministry itself (organization, programs, structure, budgets, etc.); they are only on behalf of the people in the scope of the ministry.

I suppose someone could say this question implies people rather than programs. However, too often I have heard prayers spoken that have more to do with the success of the person praying than with hope for and healing of people within the ministry.

Just last week I heard this prayer from a youth pastor: “…and God, help this ministry to grow in numbers so that the world may see our love for them.” What? The numerical growth of your ministry is directly related to how the world sees your love for them? Really? I think just maybe the “world” may know how much we love them by our faithfulness to serving them.

Too many people concern themselves with prayers that are, in the end, for them. So when a question like, How do you pray for your ministry? arises, it makes me want to strongly differentiate between prayers we pray for ourselves and prayers we pray for the people around us.

Most often, I find myself moved the most by praying prayers of confession as it relates to the people I serve. Here is an example of one of those prayers:

Heavenly Father, look upon our community of faith, which is the church of your Son, Jesus. Help us to proclaim his love by loving all our fellow creatures without exception. Under the kingdom reign of God, keep us faithful to Jesus’s mission. Forgive us for not always choosing to preach the gospel to the poor, blind, oppressed and brokenhearted. Amen.

Telling God the truth about my unfaithfulness in taking gospel action awakens one of the greatest gifts of Christian spirituality: forgiveness. It is within this forgiveness that I experience God’s mercy. It is God’s mercy that inspires me want to be more generous with others.

Do I pray for my ministry? No. Do I pray for those whom the ministry in which I serve touches? Yes. Does the question How do you pray for your ministry? really imply the people within? Perhaps. But perhaps we still could progress in our prayer practices with a strong distinction made between prayers we pray for ourselves and prayers we pray for the sake of others.

One year during the winter season, we hosted Christmas Karaoke. It was a themed party where those in our ministry came together to celebrate the incarnation and partake in some traditional Mexican drinks & desserts. As the evening progressed, an XBox 360 transformed the living room into a virtual Karaoke club. After the order by which everyone would sing was set, it was fun to see students choosing to sing contemporary songs, while others chose to bring back some old school jams. This brought up some great interaction between everyone, and a true bonding experience took place in just a few short an hours.

In the end, events such as this serve to provide informal opportunities for people to connect and learn from each other. Seemingly random conversations are sparked as the night passes by. Relationships are then strengthened over time. It is not unusual to see a student take the initiative to add a retiree as a friend on Facebook that night. In the coming weeks friendships will begin to take shape as we continue to provide opportunities to spend time together in community.

Building off my previous Slant 33 post, I view myself as a facilitator, whether that is through the formal mentoring program we run, the small groups we offer, or the community building events we host. I am trying to be someone who is known for connecting those people who need to know each other.

I think a small step in the direction of intergenerational ministry has been the movement toward integrated teaching and curriculum. Many churches are moving toward presenting the same teaching content across all of their segmented ministries. Churches introduce a teaching series or curriculum that presents the same topic or Bible text to be studied across all ages in Sunday school, small groups, and taught in worship gatherings. While I do think this is a beneficial approach in creating shared vision and experience, I wonder if it really helps foster much conversation or connection across multiple ages.

On the more extreme end of intergenerational ministry are family-centered or family-integrated churches with a focus on the role of parents discipling their children. This growing movement denounces any age-segmented gatherings or classes and spurred a documentary called Divided the Movie, which attempts to build a case about how age-separated ministries, especially youth ministries, are unbiblical. Though thought provoking, the negativity of this film seemed unhelpful and divisive. I think peer groups for learning and community still (and may always) have a valid place in the church. Moreover, most churches will not be able to see a bridge between their current structures and a completely family-centered intergenerational approach.

Intergenerational ministry must flow out of the fabric of the values of a congregation. It must be a culture. It cannot just be a program to help retain and indoctrinate younger attenders.

In my congregation, intergenerational ministry’s strongest showing is through the unstructured support provided by adults–especially non-parents–toward the children and youth. When I attend a play or a recital for one of the youth from my church, I always see other adults who are there to show support. These are not youth leaders or teachers–they are friends and mentors who want to show their support and care. Intergenerational life is natural to us. Time after time I have heard graduating seniors remark that they feel overwhelmingly supported and accepted by their church family.

This unstructured support and relationships flows into structured involvement. New teenagers are given the opportunity to choose a mentor from the congregation. Structure is provided for the ongoing relationship, but it almost always flows out of a connection with an adult that has been growing for years prior. Many of the leadership groups of the church, including our recent pastoral search committee, have teenagers as equal members serving on them. Every Sunday, children and youth are involved in the service lighting candles, reading Scripture, sharing joys and concerns, and ushering. It is a blessing to see a congregation that has worked to develop an environment where people of every age feel they are an equal part of something bigger than themselves.

For many of us in North America, these ideas seem strange or idealistic. If you are like me, many of your experiences with intergenerational church ministry has felt awkward or forced. Youth’s involvement in church services and ministry often comes across as a token showcase of talents, accomplishments, or piety to sooth parental angst. The importance of intergenerational ministry is more than just reaching youth or creating another category of programs. It is vital to helping people grow and thrive in their faith for the long haul.

We haven’t found that silver bullet. While small groups, mentoring, justice work, leadership, and a host of other youth ministry programs are important, the reality is that kids, ministry programs, and spiritual development are far more complicated than just one silver bullet.

But here’s one thing that stands out in our sticky faith research as critically important to students’ faith development: intergenerational relationships. As we have empirically studied students as well as networked with churches across the country, we think the future of youth ministry is intergenerational.

We need to make an important distinction. There is a difference between multigenerational ministry and intergenerational ministry. Multigenerational is when folks of different ages are in the same meeting space. But just being in the same space doesn’t mean relationships are being built. Intergenerational ministry happens when folks start sharing verbally with each other and ultimately share life together.

Some churches are taking baby steps toward intergenerational ministry, like pairing high school seniors with senior adults in senior-to-senior mentoring programs, or creating annual intergenerational traditions.

Other churches are taking medium steps, like planning intergenerational mission trips, empowering parents to help their kids connect with other adults, or changing their job titles to reflect a renewed commitment to connecting teenagers with the overall church (i.e., replacing the term high school pastor with the term minister of student integration).

Still other churches are taking large leaps and cancelling youth Sunday school (especially if they also have a youth midweek meeting) and integrating teenagers into the overall life of the church. They are championing what my good friend and colleague Dr. Chap Clark calls 5:1 ministry. In 5:1 ministry, every teenager is surrounded by five adults who pray for them, support them in tangible ways, and communicate that they are on that teenager’s team.

As meaningful as these steps are for the teenagers involved, what’s been as encouraging is to hear how churches are transformed as adults rub shoulders with children and teenagers. As one youth leader told me, “We knew moving toward intergenerational ministry would be good for our students. What’s surprised us is how valuable it’s been for our church.”

¹The College Transition Project is a culmination of six years of study of 500 youth group kids as they transition to college, including two three-year longitudinal studies and two interview studies. The goals of this research are to offer help to parents, leaders and churches in building a faith that lasts, or sticky faith. See StickyFaith.org for more details.

Fixate on him. This is my default response to discouragement. I keep thinking about the symptoms of the problem and how it affects me in adverse ways. This road leads me to create stories about how this problem came to be and how someone is intentionally dissin’ me or devaluing all that I have to offer. This response can become an all-consuming exertion of emotional energy, which always leads to frustration or another response I typically lean on, avoidance.

I have become a pro at avoiding things. Discouragement is often painful, and because I love my flesh so much, I usually try to protect it from any discomfort at all, including feeling bummed out. I let the discouragement set in and just leave it there and attempt to ignore that it exists by immersing myself in anything that will distract from the truth of what is really going on. Work and media are my two favorite places to hide from the roots of discouragement because they redirect my attention to things that make me feel good or just numb my senses from the pain that always seems to accompany discouragement.

One element of the cultural norms in Minnesota is passive aggression. Responding to discouragement with a sucker punch from the side becomes one of the ways I like to stay true to my Minnesota roots. So, after I have made up some incredible stories about the root of the discouragement, I try to get at those roots by taking cheap shots at them (always other people, never my own crap). And in true Scandinavian fashion, those shots look more like shadow boxing and not a real fight because they only occur in my head or in the presence of people who are not the intended target of the swing. This cognitive confrontation is soothing to my flesh and keeps it safe from counter punches at the same time; it’s wonderful.

Each of these methods leads to the same place: greater discouragement and greater sin. Each method is me choosing to believe some form of lie from Satan, “the father of lies” (John 8:44) and not the truth that will set me free (John 8:31-32) from discouragement. I am sinning in that I am leaning on my own strength and abilities to try to move away from my ol’ pal Idaknow.

Only recently have I been able to confront the roots of discouragement the way I should, and I hope you can too. Every discouraging thought is rooted in a lie of some type. Every lie is from Satan, and God’s Word is truth. If I am going to battle the root cause of discouragement (lies), I have to expose that lie to the truth in God’s Word.

When discouragement comes, pause and think about the root. What is the root intended to do? You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44 ESV)

John 10:10 tells us that Satan’s purpose is to kill us and destroy us. Is the discouragement helping to do that in any way? If it is, then my guess is that it is from Satan and rooted in some sort of lie.

Expose the lie. We can’t just do this with our intellect because “our flesh is no help at all” (John 6:63). Understanding lies is a spiritual exercise (2 Corinthians 10:3-6), and we must depend on the Spirit exposing lies through the truth in God’s Word. When I read the Bible, there is something supernatural that happens because the Spirit and God’s living and active Word work together in me, shining light in darkness and bringing life to me. The more I reading the Word, the more I am able to discern the truth from the lies I hear.

Believe the truth. I can choose to believe the truth. I can read a bunch and know Scripture, but if I don’t believe the truth there, I will continue to be held captive to the slavery of discouragement caused by believing lies. Ask for help of the Holy Sprit to give you faith to believe his truth and not the lies that have you bound in discouragement.

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. (2 Corinthians 10:3-6 ESV)

When the feeling is subjective, learn to be objective. Discouragement is an “and” and “therefore” emotion. There are usually other feelings and thoughts associated with it. I use a journal to identify the emotions and work through them like below. It might feel a little silly, but just a couple attempts at this has really helped me!

I’m disappointed, sad, and angry that student made that choice, so I wonder if it’s worth it, and therefore feel discouraged.

I feel lonely, unrecognized, and discouraged in my work. I give it everything I’ve got, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

Use your emotional vocabulary to identify the specific emotions and triggers. Assess each one objectively and reframe the feeling. For example:

I’m disappointed, sad, and angry that student made that choice, but other students have made positive choices. I can prepare my students, pray, and support them, but their choices are not my responsibility. And their choices don’t reflect my influence or the value of my work.

We are a product of what we think, so replacing subjective thoughts with objective and realistic ones is a key way to combat unhealthy thinking when we’re discouraged.

Combat weaknesses with strengths. Often we can feel super discouraged with our failures, perceived failures, and struggles. If you’re getting discouraged because of the tasks around you, ask yourself the question: Am I operating out of my natural strengths? We’ve all been in situations where we had to work in areas that are not our natural gifts, and we don’t feel up to the challenge. Database management, anyone? It’s easy to end up with a to-do list that’s uninspiring, people on your back wanting administrative deadlines met, and then feel unmotivated and discouraged. Thoughts like, This isn’t what I signed up for! start to swirl. Here’s the hard truth: Everyone has stuff they have to do but don’t want to do (usually because it’s a weakness, not a strength); it’s part of being a grown-up. So step up to the plate and use these simple guidelines to stop getting trapped in a downward spiral that leads to discouragement.

Get it done as soon as you can. Procrastination is like a beetroot stain. If you put it off once, you’ll put it off again and again and set yourself up to get beaten up. Also, if others are relying on you, you’ll prevent yourself feeling like you’ve let people down if you get on it ASAP. To achieve it, try using the guideline below.

Follow the 80/20 rule. Try as much as you can to spend 80% of your activity time (work, exercise, hobbies, family) doing what you’re good at, and give 20% of your time to the stuff you have to do. Try doing your 20% first so you finish your day in a positive frame of mind. That way your students, your bosses, your family, and your friends get to deal with the energized person working in his or her strengths.

Be honest with expectations on yourself and the expectations others have. If you really struggle with administration, deadlines, details, or creativity, it’s important to be honest with yourself and those around you. It doesn’t have to be negative. We’ll always be more productive in our natural strengths, and we need to debunk the myth of superhero, can-do-it-all youth workers!

I feel far more confident mentoring and training my youth volunteers than being the leader up front at every youth meeting, so I’d like to work with some of our young people to develop their skills in that area, and I’ll be more focused and effective if I’m not stressed about leading a meeting every week.

I find it takes me twice as long to update the database and email out the programme updates each week, so I’d like to ask one of our volunteers who’s really good with detail to do the updates and give me a summary each week.

I love being a youth leader, but I’m just not confident about leading a teaching night. I’d much rather make sure that everyone has a ride, that there’s enough supper, and make note of anyone who didn’t turn up this week. I prefer talking to students one on one or in small groups than preparing a 15-minute talk to present.

Accept that being fully human, fully alive, is to experience it all. Hopefully these strategies read like how to work through or address discouragement, not how to avoid it altogether. There is a subtle difference! It’s important for our own personal development but also for our students, volunteers, and bosses to see us dealing with discouragement in a healthy way. The key is to not let it get such a hold on you that it starts to chart the course of your life and ministry. Sometimes discouragement is a perfectly valid emotion to experience. But it’s a momentary response that needs to propel you into one or all of the following: self-discovery and development (what you can learn); change to environment (removing obstacles or unproductive habits); professional development (identifying skills to learn or acquire).

In my position, you get to hear and celebrate all the testimonies that get reported. Unfortunately, you get the unpleasant task of hearing and knowing about people’s struggles, slip-ups, and downright failures in living the righteous life. And If I’m completely honest, even though I believe in our church slogan, there’s a side of me that sometimes says, “Everyone’s a minister…except him.” I know, I know. We all sin, but my sin ain't as big as theirs. At least, that’s what I tell myself. My sin is still inside the boundaries of permissible.

Nobody would admit that they think that way out loud. I'm not even admitting it out loud. I'm confessing it behind the safety screen of my computer, where I'm guarded by a degree of anonymity and geography. Truth is, while it's spiritually polite to say we're all priests, I think we secretly harbor a grading chart that systematically disqualifies people who screw up from being able to minister, and I guess I had settled with that religious bigotry until I got a sobering reminder that “every member” means every member, even the ones who mess up.

Allison is a girl from my youth group. She’s had a remarkable summer of rededicating her life to Christ. It’s a change you can see. She’s brighter, happier, and more purposeful. At youth group she’s stepped out of her shell and has started engaging more. She worships openly now. She comes to the church and volunteers. She Facebooks and tweets scriptures and prayers. She doesn’t really have any obvious aspirations to be in ministry, but she’s definitely taken on the priestly robe. I’m proud of her.

One day, Allison sent me a text message that read, “I need to make a confession.” My stomach dropped, but then I thought, How bad can it be? Maybe she cheated on a test? Lied to her mom? Thought negatively about me or some kids in the group? Whatever it is, it’s probably nothing really serious. So we met, and as we sat on the floor, she recounted recent events that left me speechless. Nothing serious? I couldn’t have been more wrong. When she finished, there was silence. Words escaped me, but I had thoughts that there was no way that she was gonna be a minister at youth group right now. At least, not up front.

As we began to talk through her confession (and recover from it), her countenance shifted. Her head lowered. Tears rolled continuously down her face, so much so that she gave up on wiping them away. It wasn’t a loud and obnoxious cry, but it was clearly coming from deep within. I could tell that this had gone from being a disappointment in herself to a real and true godly sorrow. As I looked at her, I flashed back. I suddenly had a rush of remembering that moment when the last thing I wanted to do was hurt God's heart. Sitting with her in that broken space made me really reflect on the many transgressions of my life. And not just on my transgressions but on the days when contrition was right.

In truth, I’ve come to a place where some days I sin and think, Ehhh, no biggie. God and I are cool. I'm still going to heaven. But in this moment, as I watched this teenage girl confessing and lamenting, she ministered to me. She truly ministered to me. As she was walking and working out the salvation, love, and reverence for God that I had taught her about, she re-taught it to me in turn. Sitting in this moment of confession, she ministered to me. As Jesus used the woman caught in adultery to teach the self-righteous crowd of onlookers, so God used this girl to teach me. And I was just one judgmental thought away from missing it. A defining reminder that yes, indeed, the priesthood of all believers is real, at work, and nobody—even those who sin or struggle—is disqualified.

More adult leaders were interested in serving due in part to the opportunity on their part to share from their experiences as well as provide words of encouragement and correction. Authentic LA found that mentoring relationships proved more meaningful than simply sharing a generic sermon from the platform hoping it would hit the youth where they were at.

Previously, my youth ministry experience was more reflective of a modeling perspective of ministry. Here, events were crafted so youth would experience God in the confines of church buildings and Christian camps. Leaders sought to help youth relate to God in the safety of ministry functions, centered largely on preaching and worship. There was a large emphasis on understanding who God was, with little time spent by leaders seeking to understand who the youth were outside ministry functions. Leaders didn't venture into the homes or schools of youth or actively seek out youth to build relationships with them outside of ministry activities to hang out, chat, or learn. Instead, youth were audience members, being entertained rather than trained to be and make disciples where they were. It was more about engaging youth and hoping they would continue to invite their classmates to ministry events.

The differences between these two types of ministries truly illustrate an organization’s commitment to empowerment. The biblical concept on this subject is the priesthood of all believers. The idea that everyone not only has access to God but also is empowered to live out their callings is what the priesthood of all believers is about. The question I was faced with years ago was, How are we preparing the youth in this ministry to be disciples right now? On a day-to-day level among youth, my role is that of both a model and a mentor. I am a living work in progress who is accessible in my home and can be found seeking out relationships with youth outside of ministry activities. I am a leader who helps provide accountability, support, and tangible resources to youth so they can live out their callings.

From an structural level, I am responsible for helping organize the mentoring aspect of the ministry. This includes recruiting, training, and providing ongoing support and resources to adult mentors. I also help to shape the direction of the ministry with other leaders as well as lead some of the weekly transformational small groups that provide the dynamic venue for youth to develop as disciples.